'I don't have a legal responsibility for this child': Dad refuses to raise youngest child after discovering he is not the biological father, mom claims the child deserves the same care as their other kids

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Apr 16, 2025 3:00 PM EDT

When one hears about certain scenarios, whether they are work, relationship, or family-related, they often try to imagine what they would do if they experienced said scenario themselves. 

Just yesterday, I met up with a friend who told me about a conflict she was having with her husband about him getting jealous of her friendship with a guy, and the first thing I did was try to imagine what I would do if I were in her shoes. Then I was able to give her some sound advice that I genuinely stood behind. It's something we all do, whether we are aware of it or not.

However, some scenarios are so unimaginable, it becomes impossible to put ourselves in them, and even more impossible to try and figure out what we would do. These moments pose such an existential dilemma, and you begin to doubt yourself when you can't figure out what you would have done in that situation.

The story below poses that dilemma for me, because I don't know what I would have done if I were in this father's shoes.

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  • The guy who wrote this story divorced his wife after finding out she was pregnant with someone else's baby. He managed to get full custody of their kids, and he decided he wants nothing to do with the latest child that is not his. Years later, mom is left alone with her youngest child, and she demands that her ex-husband help her raise the kid, even though he is not the biological father.

    The dad doesn't have or want any responsibility for the child, but I still feel for the poor kid who has done nothing wrong. Which is what makes this situation so complicated in my eyes.

    What do you think? Scroll down to read the full story, and let me know in the comments below.

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    Cheezburger Image 10494505472
    via fizkes

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    "AITA for doing nothing for the child my ex-wife had from her affair even now that I have primary custody of our kids?"

    Six years ago I (36m) learned that my ex-wife (37f) was cheating on me. I ended our marriage and filed for divorce but everything was delayed because she was
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    pregnant. Once her child was born and it was established that I was not the biological father, my name was removed from the birth certificate and the bio
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    father's name was added. They were a couple at this point. Throughout we shared 50-50 custody of our three children together. My kids were old
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    enough to figure out what happened. I got them therapy eventually after my ex resisted putting them in therapy and we had talks about everything. I did my
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    best to reassure them that they didn't need to hate anyone for me or reject anyone on my behalf. But their relationship with their mom never recovered and
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    the relationship with her youngest never existed from what I know. The affair partner took off three years ago and since then my ex-wife has
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    requested that I take an active part in her child's life because I'm so involved in our kids lives. Each and every time she has made this request via parenting app I
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    have firmly said no. She tried to take full custody of our kids because I refused to include her youngest and a judge told her it didn't work like that and I did not have a
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    legal responsibility to her youngest child. I ended up with primary custody of my children a year ago because my ex-wife made some very bad
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    decisions and not only lost the house she was staying in but lost her job, had no savings and overall was left with next to nothing. After this happened her requests
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    for me to do something for her child increased. I ignored them for the most part and did as I was instructed to do by my lawyer and replied to the ones that indicated I was
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    responsible for ensuring the child was adequately cared for. Those I did say no to and reminded her there were places she could go if she needed help feeding her youngest.
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    Our kids still must go to her house for her every other weekend visitation and they hate it. Which angers my ex because they have zero relationship with her
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    youngest and it angers her that I won't ensure that all of the kids have a good relationship and that her youngest knows what it's like to have a fatherly figure. She
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    said she would allow me to adopt her child if I was willing. Then she said she would at least like me to do
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    something. To express some care for her child. Send birthday and Christmas gifts, send food occasionally, offer to let her child join in for some activities. I do none of
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    this. I have asked my kids if they would like to spend more time with their half sibling or give gifts but they have always said no and they told me when they can make
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    the decision not to go to their mom's house they won't have anything to do with her child either. My ex has become more angry because there are
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    things her child has missed out on and apparently they ask more questions now. Some of her messages on the app are now extremely hostile. There's nothing I can do about this for the
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    moment but they're saved so if we end up back in court they can be shown. She told me I act like I'm such a good person but I treat a child like sh...
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    Cheezburger Image 10494508032
    via Olichel

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    I don't feel bad exactly. I know I would have a very hard time being around this child and they're innocent so I prefer to stay away and not let them feel the weight of my issues with their mother
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    and how they were conceived. But maybe that makes me an awful person. I know at the end of all this is a child who has only got my
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    ex and nobody else and the child is innocent like I stated. Which brought me here to ask... AITA?
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  • 26
    Just-a-mum NTA. Tell your wife to direct her anger towards her child's father.
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    Uglym8s NTA - she need to put this much energy into ensuring that the child's actual father is contributing
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    Acceptable-Bowl-5609 You're NTA given the very complicated situation, but my heart goes out to that kid at the same time. They have been. dealt a very bad hand starting out in life.
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    DCDipset Not the ah le. I just hope that your kids don't treat their half sibling poorly when they are around them. That lil one didn't ask for this mess yet they're a
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    casualty of it and that could set their life on a path of chaos and hardship. Again, you're not the a hole in all of this.
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family drama aita baby kids mother wife reddit story parenting husband dad divorce family pregnant Reddit women parents children Father
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